There are a number of life verses that I try to live by -
1 Corinthians 13:13 - So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
The verse that I have come to love as a believer is this:
Ephesians 2:8-9 - for by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
But even in the midst of that, I find that the day-to-day struggle between how I want to be and how I am is a challenge.
I have mentioned this before, but it's something I choose to live by...to help me gauge what my feelings are, my attitude, my life. I want to finish this race and hear the words of My Savior say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
εὖ ἀγαθός καί πιστός δοῦλος
Truly. This needs to be my next tattoo, because it is something I long for...that I strive for...
I am so privileged to be a part of His plan. I wake up every morning and fight with myself. What is my job? What am I doing here? What does He want me to do?
And yet I struggle...I am tired...it's too much just to LIVE some days, much less do what you have asked me to do. But I am not here in my own strength. I am here in His.
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
Compassion on this world - St Teresa of Avila
I reflect on the time I've been in Honduras...been in Equatorial Guinea, Africa...and am humbled. I am humbled to know that He has chosen ME to be a part of His plan. I am such a small person in this grand plan of His. I am "just a nurse" who loves His people, and follows obediently where He would have me go.
I won't deny that at times it seems all too much. I long for the days of running water, air-conditioning, consistent electricity, and a soft place to lay my head at night free from mosquitoes, lizards, spiders, and any number of things that want to impede my healthy life.
But that's not what I'm here for...not in this season...I am here to follow Him as He guides me where He wants me to go.
The flesh is oh so weak. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. " 2 Corinthians 12:9
And so I fight. I fight for what I want...and I fight for what is right...and I fight for what He wants...
I fight with myself for "ten more minutes" of sleep; to not answer the calling of a neighbor when I just want to be by myself. I fight for the balance between giving and receiving. I fight with myself when I don't want to go to "one more" event that's in a language I don't understand, with a culture that is totally foreign to me, and where I have to be on my "A" game.
And so I fight. I fight because it's something worth fighting for! I know I won't always win - this battle against myself - but I will persevere none-the-less. And in the end, I hope that at my funeral, someone will read these words and that they would apply to me: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - 2 Timothy 4:7